Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
