now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
