It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
