please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize