So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize