Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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