I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
