he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
