By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
