You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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