you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
