I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize