Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
