My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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