I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize