thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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