you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
