it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
