your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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