looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
