How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
