college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
