If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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