When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize