Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
