So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
how does that bad decision feel?
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