You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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