I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
