You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
