So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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