hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
