i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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