I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
