he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
