Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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