dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
