having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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