so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
