Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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