i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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