hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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