So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
