I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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