I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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