If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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