Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's shark week go big or go home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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