I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
