i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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