I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
