Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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