I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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