we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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