you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
