just tell him i said nine months
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize