i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
