508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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