He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
