And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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