if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
