So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
