yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
