Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
