I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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