Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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