Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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