Do you still have your period?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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