sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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