Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
