She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
