I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
