I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
