I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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