Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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