ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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