this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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