I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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