there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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