awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
