yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
