the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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