checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize