Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize