She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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