i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
