OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
